I saw this at One Sentence [dot] org.
Moma
After a small congratulatory yay for Hawaii’s gay rights, I learned that coming out to my dad wouldn’t just cost me another guilt tripping lecture, but the right to call him dad.
I want to focus on the very last part about her loosing the “right to call him dad.”
First off, understand that I use the term “Dad” as both a term of position and affection. Your’s can be anything you want it to be: “Pop, Father, Big Guy, Bull, …whatever.”
My Premise – I’m a Dad
I firmly believe that I have both a Privilege and a Responsibility to be my kid’s “dad.” I don’t have the “Right” to start or stop being my children’s dad at any given moment. While I may have the responsibility to inform my children’s view of my identity, I don’t have the “right” to tell my kids that “I’m not their dad anymore.”
The Stupid – Choose to not be Dad?
You see, that is what the above quote is about. A daughter came out to her father. Her father obviously vehemently disagreed with it and proclaimed that she can no longer identify him as being her dad.
What a sad thing.
The Consequence – Idiocy
He Forfeited his Position in her life, he didn’t take it away. He forfeited his ability to speak meaningfully into her life. He forfeited on his Responsibility to Actively Love his daughter.
In other words: As a “Dad,” He Is A Failure.
Not because she is choosing/participating in something he disagrees with. But, because he acted in a very non-dad way. He’s a failure because of his choice to not love her in the midst of the disagreement.
Our Decision
Guys, we have a choice where our kids don’t. We began making the choice the moment we decided to impregnate their mother. We make that choice every moment of every day.
Will we be the “dads” we are meant to be? Will we be the kind of “dads” we have a responsibility and privilege of being to our children regardless of their actions?
I am choosing to be. Will you?
Tim
i strongly agree with what you say. For us in our family, the title “Mom” or “Dad” is one that is earned by loving your children and taking care of them.
I cannot imagine ever turning away from either of my children-trying to sever the relationship because of who (s)he is.
Thanks so much for commenting!
I can’t think of turning away from my kids either. It goes against everything I believe. We might limit accessibility to family members, but that would have to be based upon something horrific. Gender issues isn’t one of those things.
Still, even if there is a viable reason (safety of family members for instance), to cut off our children from living at home, that still doesn’t take away my privilege/responsibility as a parent. I still wouldn’t “sever the relationship.”
The sad thing is, this kind of “scorched earth” policy is all to common among families. I see kids around me: kicked out for getting pregnant, gender identity, or just being the common rebellious teen. For me, none of those are reasons to sever the relationship.
Tim