Dad “Rights” or “Privilege?”

05 Thursday Jan 2012

Posted by in Family, Leadership

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I saw this at One Sentence [dot] org.

Moma
After a small congratulatory yay for Hawaii’s gay rights, I learned that coming out to my dad wouldn’t just cost me another guilt tripping lecture, but the right to call him dad.

I want to focus on the very last part about her loosing the “right to call him dad.”

First off, understand that I use the term “Dad” as both a term of position and affection. Your’s can be anything you want it to be: “Pop, Father, Big Guy, Bull, …whatever.”

My Premise – I’m a Dad

I firmly believe that I have both a Privilege and a Responsibility to be my kid’s “dad.” I don’t have the “Right” to start or stop being my children’s dad at any given moment. While I may have the responsibility to inform my children’s view of my identity, I don’t have the “right” to tell my kids that “I’m not their dad anymore.”

The Stupid – Choose to not be Dad?

You see, that is what the above quote is about. A daughter came out to her father. Her father obviously vehemently disagreed with it and proclaimed that she can no longer identify him as being her dad.

What a sad thing.

The Consequence – Idiocy

He Forfeited his Position in her life, he didn’t take it away. He forfeited his ability to speak meaningfully into her life. He forfeited on his Responsibility to Actively Love his daughter.

In other words: As a “Dad,” He Is A Failure.

Not because she is choosing/participating in something he disagrees with. But, because he acted in a very non-dad way. He’s a failure because of his choice to not love her in the midst of the disagreement.

Our Decision

Guys, we have a choice where our kids don’t. We began making the choice the moment we decided to impregnate their mother. We make that choice every moment of every day.

Will we be the “dads” we are meant to be?  Will we be the kind of “dads” we have a responsibility and privilege of being to our children regardless of their actions?

I am choosing to be. Will you? 

Tim

American Politics

05 Thursday Jan 2012

Posted by in Life

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Thinking of American Politics brings fits of apathy upon me.

…just saying…

Actually, I do care. I care about our future. I care about my kids future.

But, I see very little enticing about the current crop of Republican candidates, and even less out of our current leadership.

Everything seems to end with a /facepalm…

Lord in heaven, I’m not looking for another messiah. You’ve got that one covered, and I’m extremely thankful.  All I want is a few things.

First, may we have someone that can string intelligible sentences together without a teleprompter or annoying verbal pauses. May we also have someone that won’t embarrass us on the public stage. Finally, may we have someone who will keep government as unobtrusive as possible? I’ve seen it fostering dependence upon itself. It’s breaking my heart.

Is that even plausible?

Tim

Almost Lost Christmas…

23 Friday Dec 2011

Posted by in Family, Life

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Darcy Says, "Don't Lose Christmas!"

I almost lost Christmas this year.

Luckily for me, a friend reminded me to not lose it.

Now, what do I mean that I almost lost Christmas this year?  I’m a Preacher! How in the world could I lose Christmas?

You know, I’m not all that sure. I’ve never let a lack of anything ever stop me before, so here are my thoughts.

Up until this point, we had no Christmas decorations up in, or outside of, our house.  We still won’t have any up outside, but I just got the Christmas Tree up.

We will decorate it as a family tonight.  There will be gifts underneath it soon, some from us and some from Grandma Betty. We might put the Christmas Cards we’ve received in the tree. You never do know.

But this is the point: I just now…the day before Christmas Eve…put our first decoration up. 

While we may be having a Christmas Eve and a Christmas Day service at church, we had no visible sign of celebrating Christ’s birth at our house.

That is what I mean when I say we almost lost Christmas.

Possible reasons for me (almost) choosing to not celebrate Christmas at home?

  1. The bombardment of Christmas by retailers beginning pre-Thanksgiving had gotten to me.
  2. The bombardment of Christmas music over the radio, tv, stores, etc. had finally gotten to me.
  3. The way in which Christmas has been thrown up over houses, city buildings, and retail shops make my eyes hurt.
  4. Or maybe it was that horrid Michael Bublé Christmas Special the other night… Where Justin Bieber came out “sagging” to do his performance… that really just pushed me over into Grinchdom.

I’m not sure.

All I know is that I had none, absolutely zero impulse to mark Christmas as special in our house.

But, I’ve been reminded that Christmas isn’t about what I feel.  I know it is about the birth of Jesus. You don’t have to tell me that.

But, I had to be reminded that this is an opportunity to teach my children in a visual-tactile way what it is all about.  They are worth being taught this truth. They are worth being taught this, and to celebrate this.

They are worth it.

Tim

________________________

Author’s Note: Tim almost lost Christmas. His wife did not lose Christmas. She’s been reading Christmas stories to the boys every night; and most definately was keeping Christmas alive in the household. ;)

Unintended Consequences

05 Saturday Nov 2011

Posted by in Life

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That fly annoyed me, even before the plate came to the table.

He was mocking me. I could see it in the way he flew around my head.

There I was, attending the Ministerial Alliance meeting at Alba’s Italian Restaurant (FB), getting peeved at a bug!

Why couldn’t he annoy someone else. There were twenty other people there. Why me?!

The meal came, and boy was it good! It was one of my favorites, Chicken Piccatta. I especially love that buttery lemon sauce. So rich, so good!

That fly…that pesky little fly, made a low “fly by” coming in between me and my chicken piccatta.

Oh, he shouldn’t have done that!

Without even thinking, I gave a short burst of breath, knocking the little bug into my plate. There he was captured in the buttery lemon sauce of death!

I watched him struggle for just a moment, enjoying the torment of my tormentor. Finally, I picked him up out of the sauce, holding this annoyance up into the light. I looked closely, gloatingly over him. Finally, I covered him in an extra napkin, and put him out of my misery.

Smug and satisfied, I began to chew on my very next bite of chicken piccatta.

Then it hit me…

I just knocked a fly into my food!

…

I lost my appetite.

When was the last time you did something with unintended consequences?

Tim

Missing Friends

21 Friday Oct 2011

Posted by in Life, Uncategorized

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Facebook is an interesting phenomenon for me. Through Facebook, I’ve been able to reconnect with a lost sister after 22+ years!

Within the last couple of years, I’ve been connecting with people I went to high school with. Some of these people were my very best friends. Others, I hardly knew. But, for whatever reason, we’ve connected via Facebook.  I now I get to look into their lives, via their updates, and see what is going on.

Now, fairly recently an old Jazz Band photo was uploaded by Lani.

If you can’t tell, I’m at the top left of the picture.

This was possibly one of the funnest groups (did I say that right?) that I have ever been a part of.  I look at this picture, and remember vastly more good memories than bad ones. The Band Directors were great people. And even though as students we didn’t hang out together all the time; we definitely had fun when we were playing together.

It was a great group!

The Ones We Leave Behind

I also feel a little bit of sadness when I look at the picture.

You see, there are quite a few important people in this picture. My two very best friends in school are in this picture.  I’ve kept touch minimally with both of them through the years.  We are connected on Facebook, so at least I can look in on them every now and again.  But, the closeness that was there is not nearly as prevalent now.

Lost in Action

Also, there are two people missing from our little Facebook family.

Please forgive me if I misspell their names. I can’t find my yearbook. I look at this picture and see two people that played a prominent role in my high school life, yet I can’t seem to find them on Facebook.  I can’t find Todd and Danielle.

You see, Todd taught me to not fear the dance floor. He taught me the one and only line dance I know, The Electric Slide!

Late one night, along the East Bay, we spent well over an hour working on it. I brought my portable stereo, and we worked and worked and worked. If I remember correctly, we even had some people stop and watch. I’m sure we were a sight to behold. This isn’t the only good memory I have of Todd, just an example.

I wish I knew what the guy was up to.

Secondly, I don’t see Danielle anywhere.  She was my high school crush at times, and my worse enemy at other times.  I almost had a date with her once.

Once…

That’s a story for another time.

But most of all, I always felt in competition with her when it came to music. She was a great singer, and a great player (saxophone).  If I was any good in the area of music during my high school tenure, then part of it had to be because of her.

Oh, and if anyone has a picture of that Giant Yellow Banana Clip from our (I’m guessing Junior year) Prom, I would pay money for it! It was hilarious!

Lost Opportunities

Reminiscing in this way also makes me think of lost opportunities.

I’ve recently connected with another high school alumni via Facebook.  I didn’t know this guy hardly at all. Yet, I find myself curious as to how things turned out.  I wonder what it would have been like to have actually gotten to know him in high school?

I will never know.

Again, Facebook is an interesting thing. It gives us a way to look into our friends lives, see what they are doing, and how things have turned out. It is an incomplete picture, but a picture none-the-less. It also shows us the relational holes we may have left behind.  I’m glad that we have Facebook. I’m also just a bit saddened at the same time.

What About Today?

I’m of the opinion that we have an opportunity today.  We will have opportunities today, tomorrow, probably even the next day. Each opportunity is represented by the people that enter into our lives.

Will we get to know them? Will we spend time with them? Or, will they be an obstacle to getting through the rest of our day. We get to choose.

Also, via the wonders of modern technology, we can reconnect with old friends again. Heck, we might even connect with an old acquaintance, and become friends in the process!  Again, we get to choose to reconnect or not.

Will you choose to connect, or just get through? How has Facebook impacted your life?

Tim

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